<rant>Ever since I left my position as a youth pastor, I have been on cruise control in my personal spiritual life, and I am not happy about it.
I still read and study scripture but not as much as I would like. I have recently joined with some other men in learning about what it means to be leaders in the church but I still don’t feel like my life is thoroughly committed to Christ. He is more like a window dressing.
I want to love my wife as Christ loves the church and as much as I try I fail by to great a margin. I want to raise my children to know and understand the good news of God’s great gift for us and I want them to not only hear it but see it in my life. I fail here as well.
I want to serve my community with the heart of the Father loving the unlovely but I stay sheltered in my home and in my holy huddle far too much.
Here is the problem I am part of a great community of believers but we are actively not a programmatic church so I can’t just plug in join some fill in the blank ministry and cruise to holiness. I don’t know how to operate under these conditions! I am learning slowly that God works each of these things out in a personal way through his Holy Spirit but it is much more beneficial but much more difficult than I would like. </rant>
Just had to get that off of my chest.